Cyber-Attacks and Leaked Intelligence

thor-movie-character-posters-new-4A commenter wrote over the holidays (Merry-merry to everyone by-the-by) asking for Blog James Blogs reaction to the sentence “Idris should be the next Bond.” What the Internet is treating like a Christmas gift from the movie gods may very well be something else. Lets unpack this. Much like Bond’s briefcase in From Russia With Love (1963), not all is what it seems …

  • Idris is Idris Elda, the 42-year-old London born actor best know for his TV roles in “The Wire” and “Luther.” He is also beloved as the 100% badass Stacker Pentecost in Pacific Rim (2013) and, most important to fan boys, intergalactic gatekeeper Heimdall in the Marvel Movie Universe. He also happens to be a black man. This last bit, sadly, becomes more important then all the other stuff, because it’s 2014.
  • Sony co-chair Amy Pascal in an internal email intended to be seen by whoever it was being sent to and no one else wrote the sentence in question. Thanks to the Sony leaks, we now know about the sentence but not much else. I have yet to see who was meant to be on the receiving end of this email (I’ve heard possibly Barbara Broccoli but have not seen that confirmed. If anyone knows different please post below in the comments.) We also don’t know when this was sent or what was said in the rest of the email. Was it responding to the Internet rumors that popped up about Idris playing Bond way back in 2013? Was it a brainstorm on what should be done when Daniel Craig’s two-picture deal expires? Was it a movie executives “12 things I want for Christmas list” which also included the lines “We should make the Breaking Bad movie with Walter as a zombie,” and “We should pass a law barring Tim Burton and Johnny Deep from ever working together again,” and “We should start a francize where Seth Rogen and James Franco go on to kill every unhinged strongman in the world including Vladimir Putin, Bashar al_Assad, and Mayor Tom Ford. I mean, just look how much publicity we got from The Interview!”

    Blog James Blog's pick for the next Bond

    Blog James Blog’s pick for the next Bond

  • We know very little about how EON casts their films. As far as the public knows in the past the current Bond stepped down before the search for the new one got underway. I also wonder how much power Sony or Pascal has, if any, in casting Bond. I would think at this point EON gets the first and last word on who will play 007. Also, what if SPECTRE (2015) makes one billion dollars? I’d think there would be an effort made to get Craig back in the saddle.

Right, so I guess what I’m say don’t pen Mr. Elda in for Bond #7 just yet; too many unknowns at this point.

Now, all that said, if we are playing What if… then hell yah! Idris is badass actor with major chops, he looks great even when wearing that ridiculous Heimdall get-up, and he has the perfect British accent to deliver both tough guy threats and quip happy puns. And most deliciously, Idris + Bond = All the right people pissed-off for all the reasons that prove they are gun-1insufferable assholes. And by the by Rush, only one out of the last six Bonds was Scottish, so me thinks there maybe something else your upset about ….

Happy holidays everyone and best of luck in the New Year.

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SPECTRE will return

SPECTRE2“We had to destroy the myth because [the Austin Powers movies] f**ked us. I am a huge Mike Myers fan, so don’t get me wrong, but he kind of f**ked us, made it impossible to do the gags.”

The above quote came from a still-wet-behind-the-blonde-Bond-ears of Daniel Craig in 2005. It was his colorful way of explaining why his Bond would be “darker” and “less silly” then the quip happy (Moore) or unintentionally hysterically over-earnest seriousness (Dalton) of Bonds in the past. The quote makes sense. For years after Mel Brooks’ undisputed masterpiece Blazing Saddles (1974) no one would dare make a Western. Saddles surgically dissected every trop in the genre to the point that even a man riding a horse into town would cause audiences to laugh. (“What did he say?” “He said the sheriff is near!”) While Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997) is no Blazing Saddles, Myers and crew do a rather good job of making SPECTRE in large and Blofeld specifically into one big gag. I’m sure there are many raised on Powers that can’t watch Donald Pleasence in You Only Live Twice (1967) without blowing soda through their noise. But here we are, December 2014, and Christmas, at least for this Bond fan, has come early. Thanks to official announcements and Sony email leaks in the past week we now know that next year Bond will be back in SPECTRE (2015)!

I love SPECTRE. I love Blofeld as the Joker to Bonds Batman; the nemesis he can never get. The move to bring back one Ernst Stavro Blofeld now makes perfect sense, and not only because we are far enough away from Austin Powers and Mike Myers is currently serving a life sentence in movie jail (Possibly for parole in 2024). Call it the “Marvel Factor.” I think Broccoli and brother-in-law Wilson see Bond world building possibilities and want some of that sweet Marvel movie action. I could be wrong but we are kind of starting with a clean slate… again. New M in the old office, Moneypenny and Q are now on the board and ready to play, why not get some serialization going where Blofeld can build up a bullpen of baddies (numbers 2 thru 34) and dispatch them over a multiple film run? I mean, even the title suggest the beginning of something very different. From here we could go SPECTRE: Winters Solder or SPECTRE: Mocking Jay Pt.3 or even SPECTRE vs. SHIELD; may the best anagram win! OK, perhaps not but what I’m trying to say is I couldn’t be more jazzed about the return of the most classic baddie in the Bond canon and I look forward to SPECTRE being a major player once again. I just have one, itsy bitsy, issue. Lets talk Waltz.

Love me Christopher Waltz. If you have a soul you do too. Is he going to make an amazing, fantastic, magnificent, top three Bond villain? You’re God damn right! The man can freeze your blood by drinking a glass of milk for crying out loud.

Hans_Landa_drinks_milk

Yes, he’s going to kill it. So why, Oh why, has his character been listed as “Franz Oberhauser,” the alleged son of Bond’s climbing instructor and mentor Hannes Oberhauser? Look, if that is who is going to be OK. But doesn’t this smell a hell of a lot like “NO! Benedict Cumberbatch is not playing Khan in the new Star Trek II, not the Wrath of Khan (2013). He is playing Commander John Harrison, cross our heart, hope to die, stick a Klingon Kut’luch in our eye.” Man I really hope Broccoli and co. are not pulling the same crap. I want Waltz to be Blofeld, you want Waltz to be Blofeld, Waltz wants Waltz to be Blofeld and guess what? I’d be willing right here, right now, to put down a sizable bet that Waltz is Blofeld. I just wish they would come out and tell us. EON, you can admit that “Hey, we saw The Zero Theorem (2013) (what, you didn’t) and said immediately, that our Blofeld!” What’s wrong with that? This cheep JJ Abrams crap is beneath Bond and Broccoli. It backfired for Trek, big time. Look, Waltz is our new Blofeld and he is going to be perfect.

zero_theorem_photo-1024x556One last casting note, Dave Bautista, he of Drax Guardians Of The Galaxy (2014) fame, has been listed in the cast. Do I smell another strong silent henchman out of the Oddjob, Jaws, Necros school? Oh how I hope so…

Bond is currently firing on all cylinders. With Mendes returning, Hoyte Van Hoytema shooting, Waltz as Blofeld (right? Right!), SPECTRE in the internet age, and the fact that EON followed Blog James Blogs advice and took more then two years between projects, I’d say everything is lined up for another stellar Bond outing. Now, lets see if Broccoli, Blofeld like, can wrestle that $300 million dollars from Sony.

gun-1A quick Blog James Blog programing note; I noticed to my horror and shame it’s been a year since I’ve posted. How time flies. This is the kick in the butt I needed. As much as it pains me, I will finish Never Say Never… and get it up soon. Thank you for you patience.